The Call of the Wild Heart

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Again, I was awakened this morning between 4:30 & 5:00 AM by the clarion call.  And again, I lay in bed for 45 minutes convincing myself that I needed more sleep. But sleep is impossible when the heart awakens. With this realization, I surrendered to the magnificent Beauty that seemed to be flowing from “my” heart centre.

Where does this come from? Who does it belong to? And what is it within me that could ever resist such Beauty? Choosing sleep over this? I find my body in a state of breathless  anticipation — like the delightful anticipation of meeting a lover, sensing that something is about to happen that is mysteriously beyond both of us. And so we lean in and make ourselves available … to the mystery. Beyond all common sense or reason: we trust in the unseen, in what has not yet fully shown itself.

I lean into the thrilling nature of this Wild Heart. My whole body feels awake.  The bottoms of my feet feel like they’ve been slapped. They vibrate and tingle. My thinking mind trys to make sense of the experience: “Not “my” heart, and yet it lives within my heart. How could it be my heart calling me beyond myself? A call going far beyond even my loftiest ‘ideas’ of enlightenment, and any self-constructed limitations of what is possible and real.”

The nature of the Wild Heart is untameable by religious tradition or secular culture.  It has a language and law all its own. Its wild unpredictability frightens me. The “me” that I identify with has no way to find its ground here. Niceties and norms fall flat. Father Thomas Keating refers to the “Divine Indwelling.”  This certainly resonates with what I am feeling. While it is not good to get stuck on definitions, it is important to name experiences.  Naming helps us grow in understanding because we are reasoning creatures. It helps us to integrate divine beauty through awareness. Like many, I have strong tendencies to claim divine experiences as my own.  To pump myself up with importance because I have “tasted” (“Taste and See that the Lord is Good” – Psalm 34:8). I have found this habit to be devastating to the alive relationship with the Wild Heart. Surrender is the only way, and then learning to listen.

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For the most part, I have let fear run my life.  Fear of being nobody, fear of not fitting in, fear of disapproval and being misunderstood. So I have turned away from the Wild Heart, the Divine Indwelling,  and the deadliest fear of all — I have claimed “Divine Tastes” as my own. But even while I have chosen to remain small and safe, throughout my life, people have continuously seen through my “straw-woman-smallness” and expressed their appreciation of who they “saw” me to be. And yet, for the most part, I have still defended against the beauty of the Wild Heart and its abundant gift of undefended freedom. Jesus taught from the Wild Heart. He also taught how to have relationship with it: “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it” (Mt. 10:39).

With 6 years of focus on the philosophy and practice of Silence behind me, habits of denial and fear are slowly weakening. I can feel it. Instead of shutting down with fear, I am simply being present with it. Such a simple practice, and yet with so much power. It seems that the Wild Heart has no problem with fear!

I am also discovering groups of people here, and around the world (internet is amazing), who are willing to learn to relate in ways that allow for the untameable Beauty, Truth, and Goodness to emerge within and between us. With time, we learn to operate from courage and trust, allowing us to bypass individual and collective fear patterns. We relax into ways of participating in something deeper/higher than the separate-self and its illusion of safety. Our willingness counts a lot. Our willingness to get out of bed at 5 AM and write a Blog Post. Our willingness to lose our life in the stillness, so that we can come alive in the Wild Beauty of the untamed Heart.

Namaste

7 thoughts on “The Call of the Wild Heart

  1. Hi Laura: I identify with much of your blog and sharings and am pleased to be on your list, thank you. Only these past 5 years have brought some permission to claim time and focus on what has been my true and self-denied search…..the acceptance and readiness for understanding our mysterious journey.. Often that 13 year old Laura Leigh who claimed her difference, asked many questions, and was always searching for answers, pops up in my thoughts. I always felt I let you and the other young women down as I was not ready for that leadership. I did connect with you, though and now realize that was just a moment in time and did not interrupt your journey. It was mine! I am now a member of the Baha’i faith, but studying Vipassana, ever drawn back to the Bible and always investigating and experiencing. I am “wild heart” grateful for the time and affinity for all of it and for your part in it….Be well. Please know this reader appreciates your writings, with Love, Lois

    1. Dear Lois: So lovely to hear from you after all these years! This wild heart is delighting! Our sacred journey home is a very long one of many lifetimes. I am so glad that our paths have crossed yet again, and that you now are experiencing permission to explore and open to who you are. If you are in the Vancouver area, I think you would really enjoy the Silence Practice groups. They are increasingly focused on how we can support each other to realize our divine nature through how we relate. with love, Laura

  2. Good Morning Laura….yes it is 5 am and I am answering the call of the “Wild Heart”. As I read your blog last night a feeling of such gratitude welled up in me for connecting with you again after many years. Although we have not spend a lot of time together, I have always felt a strong heart connection with you and a desire to know more about you and your own internal journey. You have always been a bright light to me!

    Being reminded of Jesus’ teaching… “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it” (Mt. 10:39) translates for me…….in letting go of what I think my life is about and to live in the curiosity of my/the wild heart is where my life will truly root and blossom.

    I agree with you in all it takes is willingness and practice….the rest will unfold. This has become my daily focus. thank you….I will let you know how it all goes! big hearted hugs to you, Lydia

    1. Dear Lydia, Thank you for your beautiful response. Waking up is so much about a recognition of what is “already within us” and “between us.” We live habitually to the clinging,not the losing because we fail to understand who we are in the mystery. Silence practice is a letting go practice and a heart centred one.
      I look forward to hearing what you are learning from your beauty-filled wild heart Lydia! Feel free to post it, as there are many who read, but do not respond to these. Sharing is a good thing, especially when we awaken to the fact that our depth Consciousness is not separated from the other. with love, Laura

  3. HI Laura

    A little late in getting to your January present to the world.
    What a delight there is in the way you express the call of the wild heart. We sometimes forget the sheer delight of that wild heart that cries out to live fully. So nice of you to remind us.

    To live with a wild heart we need practices that keep it open and wild yet at the same time move it forward to a maturing relationship to life. We do this by following your advice – to be still and listen. Listen to the heart and give it some credit for an unfolding wisdom.

    Thanks for you time and attention to making this blog

    oxLinda

    1. Dear Linda, What a delight to hear from you. I like your comment that the open and wild heart needs also to move forward into a maturing relationship to life. That is where the fruit of our spiritual practice blossoms — in relationship with others and the world around us. It is also the most rigorous practice, because it is with others that have experienced our woundedness and our habits of contraction and mistrust!
      So thrilled to have the space and time to share this practice with you Linda.
      with love, Laura

      1. Yes I agree. It all sounds so lofty and nice to open our hearts but it’s hardly all stars and light. There is a reason we hide our wild hearts – we have been hurt and wounded. That’s where the maturity comes in. Following the path of an open heart takes faith and courage to take us well beyond our small ‘s’ self.

        Best of luck my warrior friend.

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